I find myself looking quite often at the past, at the time in which I started this blog,  my high school or my university years. Now that I'm 28,many things have changed but for the most part, I've stayed the same at heart. 

My trauma and my bad experiences made me less optimistic and calm but I feel like I've really matured and learned from life. For the time, I finally have someone I can love - romantically - without fear, someone who accepts me exactly as I am and who sees me as I am. I don't feel lesser when I'm with him, I don't feel as I can't reach his level. We are equal, both in each other's eyes and in the eyes of everyone who knows us. 

I've grown a lot, I don't feel the need to constantly have the validation of other people anymore; the only person I truly seek acceptance from is myself. Although I feel as if I constantly need my mom's validation, I know that she accepts and looks past my flaws, as opposed to what I do to myself. 

I've also grown in matters of what I want to do with my life. I know that feeling in control is the best feeling for me and anything unstable, regardless how small, gives me terrible anxiety. Therefore, I'd like to do something humanitarian, either for animals or for children. That, plus photography, writing and art, which constitute the basis of my entire identity. 

I no longer want to move abroad, unless it would be with a long - term work project and I am no longer terrified by marriage. The idea of having him as my husband doesn't terrify me, it barely makes me see any difference at all, since we are already living like a married couple. The only horrifying thing now would be a pregnancy. I have come to terms with the fact that I'd either make a child much later in life, or adopt and raise another's child. I will educate them and love them nevertheless, without going to the trauma and pain of pregnancy. 

In terms of my morals, they too have become more mature. I am much less rebellious - something my teenage self would have hated - but much more stable. Although I struggle still with mental illness, I've started accepting  all parts of myself I can even say I'm quite cool. 

Now, if only I could stabilize the last part of my goals: giving my life a purpose...