Generalizari

Alternosfera - "Arunca-mi"


  "Carpe diem", huh? Trasieste in prezent pentru ca nu are ce se sa se intample, traieste clipa, traieste-ti tineretea. Nu stiu cum isi traiesc  altii tineretea dar din ceea ce am vazut si am auzit eu , multi si-o traiesc band, petrecand, facandu-si prieteni, calatorind, mergand la concerte si alte din astea. Dar cum sa-ti traiesti viata cand sunt meru oameni care au ceva de zis? Care isi baga permanent nasul in treaba ta si daca nu esti una din acele persoane careia sa nu-i pese de nimeni si de nimic, te afecteaza. Nu te lasa sa te bucuri in totalitate.
 Stiu ca multi ar zice "as vrea sa fiu si eu unul din cei carora nu le pasa de nimic, sa nu-mi fac griji pentru ziua de maine, sa nu ma ingrijorez ca se intampla nu stiu ce cu x sau cu y, ca-mi vine copilul in casa la ora 5 dimineata " dra ma intreb ... de ce nu esti?  Daca tot vrei sa-ti traiesti viata , in primul rand nu te stresa. Sunt tot felul de motto-uri , de citate...chestii din filme care te invata sa nu te stresezi si noi cu toate astea, in incercarea noastra de a deveni responsabili, devenim niste paranoici, niste persoane bolnave de nervi.
 NU sa fii responsabil nu inseamna sa te dai peste cap gandindu-te la chestii care nu se vor intampla niciodata. Daca vrei sa fii o persoana cu picioarele pe pamant gandeste-te la consecintele faptelor tale, dar nu duce asta la extrem. Nimic dus la extrem nu e bun....

  Acum... nu vreau sa dezvolt ideea asta pana in panzele albe si sa para intinsa rau de tot, doar de dragul postarii... ma gandeam sa share-uiesc blogul pe facebook, pe care , n-am idee. Dar nu pentru vizualizari sau pentru cei  care dau follow. ci ca oamenii sa-si faca o idee cam despre cum gandesc eu pentru ca atunci cand esti undeva cu mai multe persoane e desutl de dificil sa incepeti sa discutati , sa iti dai seama cum gandeste x sau y [decat daca persoana respectiva vorbeste mult], dar nu e cazul meu.Eu ascult..Mi se pare mai tare sa asculti ce are unu` de zis si sa-ti dai seama cum e, sa aflii macar putin cam ce e in capul lui decat sa incerci sa-ti greci mintea cu ce ai putea sa zici. N-am fost decat in cazuri foarte rare cea care sparge gheata. Asta cand am de-aface cu persoane pe care le-am vazut pentru prima data. Adica, fara sa fie macar o persoana pe care o cunosc. Atunci curiozitatea ma indeamna sa pun intrebari, sa aflu cat mai multe de la cel din fata mea.  Bine... faza rea e ca ma plictisesc de oameni... cred am mai scris asta. N-am idee cum de am prietenii pe care ii am. Ce le place la mine, de ce mai tin legatura cu mine. Chiar, va rog frumos zice-ti-mi de ce. Sunt foarte curioasa. Lasati un comm sau ceva de genul asta.
  Pfff....am uitat despre ce scriam. Si ma gandesc la tot felul de subiecte dar sunt lucruri care au fost spuse de altii , sau lucruri pe care le-am auzit in seara asta si daca tot scriu ceva macar sa scriu ceva ce e al meu. Daca tot n-am nicio tema si practic asta e un ...monolog haotic.

  Alternosfera - "Femeia Nordica" 

Oameni noi

"Gone with the sin"- acoustic cover


A mai trecut o perioada din viata mea in care mi-am facut planuri inutile, mi-am construit in mintea mea un caracter imaginar si am scris conversatii pe care nu le voi purta niciodata. M-am schimbat, cred ca e normal sa se intample asta. Am castigat cativa prieteni buni si am reusit sa ma schimb, cred eu, in bine. Vacanta asta imi voi face din nefericire din nou planuri. Vreau sa merg in diferite orase sa traiesc momente de neuitat cu oameni pe care nu ii voi uita, dar nu stiu cat la suta din planurile mele se vor implini.. 
 Cineva ...continua sa-mi spuna sa nu-mi fac planuri, nu se vor implini..si cata dreptate are!

 Partea proasta este ca nu stiu daca s-au schimbat si cei din jur, daca eu i-am schimbat sau daca  imi imaginez eu totul , insa oameni la care candva tineam enorm si-au pierdut din farmec pe parcursul timpului , dupa care si-l recastiga, innebunindu-ma.
Poate toti oamenii sunt asa. Poate voi toti va aflati la un moment dat in impas si va intrebati ce s-a intamplat cu voi, de ce nu mai tineti la cineva la fel de mult. Nu s-a intamplat niciodata sa-ti fie teama ca cel sau cea pentru care ai fi facut orice alta data va fi inlocuit de altcineva? Ca sentimentele tale se vor deteriora in timp?
Dar uite unde am ajuns... nici macar nu stiu ce vreau sa spun. Cred ca incerc sa invart situatia asta pe degete, sa o ascund, poate ca mi-e frica sa recunosc ca sunt cam pierduta in incercarea mea de a gasi cate ceva bun in fiecare incat in cele din urma ajung sa nu mai vad latura negativa... si traiesc cu impresia ca cei pe care ii respect, ii iubesc sunt prea buni, perfecti chiar , iar momentul dezamagirii doare prea tare. Dar tot ce urca trebuie sa si coboare la un moment dat si daca ceea ce am spus atunci e adevarat , in mod sigur nu voi renunta la nici unul din acesti oameni, indiferent cat de "decazuti" mi s-ar parea, cu cata indiferenta as avea impresia ca ii tratez. Candva, in timp, cand cineva imi va aduce aminte de unul din ei, ceva ma va durea in adancul sufletului.
 Dar nu se pune problema de asta acum. Acum e totul bine, acum vad ce inseamna cu adevarat sa descoperi un om, sa inveti totul despre el si asta ma face multumita. Mereu spuneam ca atunci cand tii la cineva esti prea orbit de asta sa-ti mai dai seama cate defecte are acea persoana, mereu judecam oamenii care nu "gandeau la rece" insa, oarecum, mereu am facut parte din acei oameni.
Nu conteaza cati imi vor trece prin minte inainte sa apuc sa dorm sau cati imi vor fi apropiati..un lucru e sigur: nimeni nu va inlocui pe nimeni niciodata. Pentru mine toti aveti locuri separate ....


"Wicked Game"  acoustic cover

FOR H.I.M. FANS!

Surveys. Vreo 5-6, poate mai multe

Otep - "Confrontation"
Editat in 2020

Edited in 2022

Edited in 2023

1
Who is your best friend?
I don`t have a "best friend". I don`t believe in "best friends".

Sadegh

Sadegh and my mom

Sadegh and my mom and maybe Anda? 

2

Who do you like?
Nice, calm, intresting people ;)

Interesting people with a fascinating mind, calm personality and strong beliefs.

Anyone who matches my energy and interests

Interesting, inteligent people who like nature and animals and have a good vibe 

3
Who is your mom?
A very talented, carring and loving woman

A superhero with a lot of trauma

My superhero best friend

My best friend with many accomplishments who is a little intimidant and sometimes annoys me but i love her anyway 

4
Who owns your house?
My parents
My mom 

My mom and here, some woman idk

The one I live in now is rented so some woman

5
Who bought you the clothes your wearing?
My mother

Pants - mom, t-shirt - mom, sweater - myslelf

Got t-shirt from volunteering NGO, rest of it, mom
Still mom I think. They're rly old clothes 

6
Who is at your house?
Parents + cat

In my hometown none, here my mom and I and our foster kitten

My bf and my mom <3

Bf, mom, Chonkeron

7
Who loves you?
I don`t know. Probably some people I know, including my family,

My boyfriend and my family and maybe some friend?

Parents, grandparents, N.N, boyfriend, cousins...

Bf, parents, grandparents, old uncle, maybe cousins 

8
Who said hey to you today?
A lot of people. Friends.
My boyfriend

The bf <3

Bf, mom, maybe my work friends? I don't remember 

9
Who are you talking to right now?
None

None

Myself, in my head

None but i hear bf talking with his parents 

10
Who was your ex-boy/girlfriend?
I don`t have an ex
An artist guy from uni

Same artist guy from uni

Same 

11
What town do you live in?
I`d ruther not mention it

I'd rather not mention it, for safety reasons

The same one :(
God, still the same! 

12
What are your pet peeves?
I can`t stand gray hair on a brush or people, or even on the floor.

Same and also listening to music and receiving texts and getting my music interrupted.

Seeing gross things on people's faces + all of the above

Stray hair, fake people who are fake nice 

13
What are you wearing?
Leggins and a large T-shirt
Fluffy pants, a t-shirt and a large, yellow sweater

Brown hoodie, leggings, red t-shirt

Beige tank top, to the knee pants 

14
What do your teeth look like?
Like teeth. :))

Some are not that great looking, some are really okay. I'm working on it.

They're not straight but they are getting better

Ok

15
What are you doing in an hour?
Wasting my time doing pointless things.

Either snacking and watching something or reading "The minds of Billy Milligan".

Watching Nana?
No idea, just woke up from a long nap and I'm lost AF 

16
What is your middle name?
M. ;)
Maria

Depends on from which side it is read :D

L1ouisa actually 

17
What is your deepest secret?
If it is my secret, why would I tell it to you?

That one year of intrusive thoughts

All the shit depression made me think of 

Everything that happened in my head as an intrusive thought 

18
What are you doing tomorrow?
Also wasting time, doing my homework and finish the Hellsing OVA. Maybe "The portrait of Dorian Gray " too. The book.

Helping mom with her essay, making pizza, a quiche for the morning, editing some photos, maybe reading or playing a board game.

Work :( Call center :(

Working and taking a shower and going to the vet to get the cat a leash and Idk what else 

19
What is your boy/girlfriends middle name?
-
I think M....

Potato Prince

I wrote it already 

20
What is in this for you?
What?
A way of revisiting my personality and choices in life at a later age.

It's fun, distracts me from the bad news 

Idk man. What's in this for any of us? Life is weird and we don't do what we want cause we have to pay to live and we live to pay so Idk why we don't just quit and live freely. Maybe cause we'd starve to death in a week. 

21
What is your favorite thing(s) to do?
Listening to music, walking in the nature, talking about things I`m intrested in, playing games with my friends, playing Wow :)), talking to people I like, studying occult subjects and Japanese culture.

Listening to music, walking outside, having interesting talks with interesting people, spending time with my bf, my mom, my family, with cats, playing mobile games, reading webtoons, cooking, thinking.

Being in nature, being near animals and being near my loved ones

Honestly? Nothing. I love doing nothing at all. Just chilling somewhere with nice light, nice music, good temperature, maybe a drink in my hand or a delicious snack. Bf with me, maybe some cat or even on my own. La dolce vitta. 

22
What are you sitting on?
A chair.

A couch
A compuch - I hope I'll remember this one -

Still compuch

23
Where are you at right now?
Thsi survey.

The city where I live
In the first rented apt with my bf and my mom

Same place. Hope we can renew the contract 

24
Where were you at at 12 noon today?
At School.

Home

On the chair, working

In bed sleeping

25
Where is your toothbrush at?
Bathroom -.-"
Still bathroom

Yup. still there

A jar with another toothbrush and toothpaste 

26
Where do you sleep?
On a fucking train!

A rather large bed but not large enough.

Compuch

Compuch

27
Where do you live?
Romania,
Romania

I.

Same. Damn. Place. 

28
Where were you at at 7pm yesterday?
In bed, sleeping.
In bed, sleeping haha

Just finished work so in bed, chilling

Either in our room on my phone or the living room

29
Where is your boy/girl friend?
-

His home :(

By my siiiiide <3

Still by my side ♥️

30
Where are your parents?
In their  beds, sleeping.
Same lol

Same, thank God

Mom just went to sleep and dad is probably watching TV in his home 

31
Where did you put your bookbag?
My what? On the chair.

I don't have one :(

I have a bookshelf tho, Ikea bought

I don't have one but I have a work bag? 

32
Where do you keep your socks?
everywhere :))
In a plastic box in the wardrobe 

In a cloth bag with a sock sign on it 

Normally in a cloth bag now they're all over the place cause the wardrobe needs cleaning. All over the place INSIDE the wardrobe

33
When was your first kiss?
when I was little

Not true, I was 17 and it was on a dare

Thats still a fact

Same

34
When are you getting a job?
soon, I hope

Soon, I hope (I recently quit my old job.)

I have one but I want one in my field tho

I have one. Same shitty one. 

35
When will you grow up?
Good question :)). I  think I have already grown a little, but I don`t really know. Probably when I`ll move out

I already have grown up, I'm happy with how I am now

I did a lot, actually

If grow up = get rich Idk. If grow up = mature I'm already old and leavemealone 

36
When are you going to call your friend?
When I`ll be able to.

Never?

I don't need to

Which friend? 

37
When did you get home last night?
I haven`t gotten out of home last night :D
Same

Same, I'm lame

I've been home for 48 hours. Or more. I've been sick. 

38
When did you graduate?
In 8th grade

At 24, Master's degree

Didn't get any other degree after that one

1918. 

39
When are you going to stop taking surveys?
Soon, because I`m sleepy

When I'll get bored of them

At 90

When I get bored of them

40
When was the last time you had a fruit smoothie?
I don`t know what that it

Hmmm around 2 weeks ago, at work, in a break

Must have been around 3 weeks ago? It had mango in it
2 days ago, store bought 

41
When are you getting married?
In a far away future

Hopefully in a not so far away future

Maybe sooner than I thought

We have no idea 

42
Why are you taking this?
because I want to

Because I want to see how much I've changed and revisit this in the future.

It feels like an interview for a celebrity :D

Cause I have an identity crisis

43
Why are you weird?
because I like it

I'm not, I'm just unique and a nonconformist.

I'm not, I feel I fit in quite a lot, I should be weirder

Cause I like it 

44
Why are you wearing what your wearing right now?
because these are my PJs, really comfortable

Same and also I'm a bit cold

They are pjs, I'm in bed sooo

Comfy

45
Why dont you have friends?
I have friends.

Because I either isolate myself from people to the point of losing them entirely or they don't care enough to keep our friendship alive.

Because I stopped trying to make new, superficial friendships that don't last

I have! I made 3 more this year. Social butterfly lol

46
Why cant you get a boy/girl friend?
Because I don`t really want to
I already have one, thank you.

Because I have a soulmate

I already have one I don't want another thankyouverymuch 

47
Why do you live where your at?
Because I was born nearby

Because I've studied here and remained in this city

Work, mom's work and bf's uni 
Money. 

48
How do you fix your hair?
Brushing it :))
By brushing, washing and braiding it.

Wash, brush, oil and braid

Wash it, conditioner, air dry, oil on the tips, brush

49
How are the kids?
Fine, yours?

Currently sound asleep but will run around the house at 3 AM

None and no thank you

She mews by the door

50
How many hours do you spend on the computer?
too many

Not so many. Phone, on the other hand...

8.30 for work plus another 2 or so for fun 

All of them almost. 

51
How many TV shows do you watch?
I don`t watch any TV show
Currently none or one.

None at the moment but I rewatch NANA

I finished all the good ones but we're watching futurama. 

52
How did you find this survey?
long
Not as fun as I remembered

Quite nice

I found it on a forum centuries ago

53
How do you make sharpies?
what?
What?

What?

Yes. 

54
How many sharpies do you own?
I don`t know what sharpies are
I still don't know what sharpies are and I don't care enough to google it.

Aaaaah I just found out what they are!

I forgot what these are. 

55
How often do you say I love you?
When I`m drunk
As often as I feel the need to <3

At least everyday ^^
Everyday, sometimes more. Sometimes I skip a day 

II.


Last person you hugged
a friend
My mom?

Mom

Bf

2
Last car ride
I don`t remember.

A taxi ride today 

Taxi yesterday, from artstudio to home

Taxi to the doctor 

3
Last time you cried
Last week?
A couple of days ago?

Yesterday?

2 days ago? 

4
Last movie you watched
The Girl who hit the Hornet`s nest

Pffft...Does Hamilton count?

Does Nana count?

Barbie

5
Last food you ate
spaghetti

Omlette and salad

Noodles with minced tofu and onion
Chocolate biscuit. Also I didn't eat anything else today. 

6
Last item you bought
ice cream
Food 

Golden pen and pencil sharpner

Trash bags 

7
Last shirt you wore
a brown one

A black one with a print

Red one from Moldavia

Black and white with stripes 

8
Last phone call
with a friend
Taxi office (office?)

bf <3

Dad

9
Last text message
From Orange =))
bf

bf's mom - sent to - my mom - received -

Mom

10
Last kiss
III don`t remember :-? some time ago
bf in Georgia

bf some minutes ago

Bf today. Also cat head

11
Last thing you touched
the mouse

The keyboard
my eye

Phone 

12
Last funeral
I don`t remember, I don`t go on funerals.

My uncle's?

uncle's, thankfully

Same... 

13
Last trip to the mall
Long time ago.
A couple of months ago?

2 weeks ago? Went in with the work badge haha

When I went to the office 

14
Last time you were excited for something
When I found The girl with the dragon tatto online. This would be...yesterday

Last week about kittensitting these batards. Little did I know...
Rewatching NANA

Rewatching nana seems nice 

15
Last person you saw
my step father

My mom

bf

Bf 

16
Last thing you drank
Timisoreana beer

Berry cider

Lemonade

A weird mocktail of canned mango, sœur cherry syrup and agave juice. 

17
Last person that broke your heart
a friend...
My "best friend" of 7 years

Same person...

Same bitch.

18
Last time you were happy
3 days ago
Today, while laughing with mom about how she got scared by a Tunisian with a strong accent in Arabic

This evening, seeing mom and my bf painting together

I don't remember a specific moment but probably some moment I spent with the bf. Oooor petting cats!! 

19
Last plane ride
never

Crete, 2 or 3 months ago

Turkey, last year

2 years ago :(


III.



FAV:

Number
7

7

7

15

2
Color
Red

Black, dark green, dark red, ochre

black, dark red, light red, dark green, yellow

Black,yellow,dark blue, dark green, beige

3
Day
Tuseday

I don't have one

friday

Saturday 

4
Month
June, February

July, October, May

july, september, april

May

5
Song
Last Song by Gackt

My latest fav. song is Nightfall by London Grammar

latest: something from my "anxiety" playlist

Something Hozier

6
Food
Shrimps

Sushi, French fries, baked sweet potatoes

stir fry with noodles

No fish Sushi with avocado and cream cheese 

7
Sport
Figure Skating

Swimming
swimming 

Swimming and hiking 

8
Drink
beer, red wine

Fruit syrups, fruit ciders

ginger beer
Fruity mocktails or mojito 

9
Candy
any
Chocolate 

jelly, chocolate

Sour

10
Ice Cream
forest fruits, yellow melone+ chocolate

Mint and chocolate, salted caramel, yellow mellon

mangooo

Chocolate and mango 

11
Season
spring
Summer, spring, autumn

summer, spring, all have their own beauty but i dont like the cold

Spring and summer 

12
Band
HIM

Queen

queen, ROME, some others
Queen 

13
Movie
The Milenium Triology, Sweeny Todd

LOTR part I, Harry Potter 1...

LOTR

Lotr

14
Website
Youtube
Bored Panda

none in particular, maybe yt

Idk

15
Animal
Wolf

Cat?

cattos

Cats 

16
Item of Clothing
T-shirts

Sweaters

coats

Tank tops and flowy dresses

17
Word
"uso"

I don't have one

heili, I like the sound of it

Shit. I use it so much it might as well be my favorite 

18
Place

I don`t have only one fav place, there are superb places all over the world, I can`t chose one of them

Home in my hometown

granny's <3

Gardens 

IV. [Girly one :))]

Do you have a lot of make-up?

Sometimes

No

not really

Nope. Eyeliner and lipstick 

2

How much do you put on?

everything but foundation.

Eyeliner and maybe lipstick

eyeliner, lipstick, sometimes mascara or eyeshadow

Eyeliner and lipstick. Sometimes just eyeliner 

3

How long does it take you to get ready?

Usually about 15 mintues, when I  don`t make-up, when I do, about 20-25 if something goes wrong 

With washing up, maybe 20 minutes

10-30 mins

20 min

4

Do you carry a purse?

I have a small leather - like backpack

Same

sometimes

If the outfit calls for one

5

What color is it?

black

Same

dark green

Black. Shiny. 

6

Where did you get it?

my mother gave it to me

I borrowed it from mom

mom bought it

Mom gift

7

Do you have a Louis Vuttion?

no

No

nope

Bleh no

8

Do you like to wear nail polish?

yes, but only red

Same

sometimes, red

Sometimes. Still red. I'm considering black. 

9

How often do you get your nails done?

when they look bad :)) I`m the one who gets them done

Rarely and not professionally 

i don't professionally

I don't 

10

Do you like manicures?

not really

Not quite my thing but I like it when my nails look pretty

would like to try

Never tried it, seems painful

11

Do you like pedicures?

no, It`s a need not a hobby

Not really

no

Same 

12

Do you have a usual nail salon you go to?

no

Nope

nu

Nope 

13

Where do you get your hair done?

nowhere

At home, by myself

home

Home

14

Do you straighten your hair?

no

Never

no

I'd never damage it like that

15

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

about 5

Here about 4, more at home

maybe 5?

From all the seasons maybe 10? Hiking shoes, running shoes (I don't run), sandals, boots, etc 

16

Which pair of shoes are your favorite?

My... adidasi :-?

My black boots

black boots

Black boots 

17

What brand are they?

They don`t belong to a certain brand

Same

idk, forgot

No idea 

18

Do you wear heels?

No!

No, I tried and failed miserably

nope

Nope 

19

Where do you buy most of your clothes?

My mother buys them. But if I buy something, I buy it from Bestial.com

Outlets usually or the mall, once in a blue moon

outlet

Outlet or zara/ h&m

V.

Think fast!

Beer:

Tasty

Craft

bitter

No

2

Anorexic:

Stressed

Mental health

past

Modelling

3

Relationships:

complicated

the boyfriend <3

beautiful

Strong

4

Power Rangers:

childhood

memories

kids

Yellow

5

Pot:

wanna try

Ceramics

cooking

Plants 

6

Steroids:

body builders

buff people

men

Ugly

7

Cartoons:

Cartoon Network

hans christian andersen

cartoon network

Network 

8

The President:

Black

an orange moron

trump

White 

9

Tupperware:
question mark

plastic

fridge

American 

10

Florida:

sun

hot

sun

Crocodiles 

11

Santa Claus:

Christmas Tree

corporations

fat

Red. Commie

12

Halloween:

Tim Burton

tradition

pumpkin

Black and orange

13

Bon Jovi:

Wanted Dead or alive

handsome

living on a prayer

Hot when young 

14

Grammar:

French

London Grammar

london gammar

For some reason vinyl disk 

15

Myspace:

memories

old

hi5

My space. 

16

Worst fear:

hughe motherfucker poisouneous spiders

Wurst fear. German pun lol

dark

Ghosts 

17

Marriage:

gay

white dress

cute

Soon? Lol 

18

Paris Hilton:

stupid

blonde

rich

Old money 

19

Brunettes:

misterious

that one singer i used to like when i was a teenager but forgot her name

monica

Hot 

20

Redheads:

hot

Karen Gillian

brazilian tiktok singer

Nature witches 

21

Blondes:

part of my life

Models?

barbie

American 

22

Pass the time:

9gag

instagram

clock

Bored panda 

23

One night stands:

unimportant

lamps. ugh

wooden stand

IKEA 

24

Donald Trump:

rich

moron

WWIII

Arrested 

25

Neverland:

Michael Jackson

some rock band maybe?

peter pan

Cartoon

26

Pixie Stix:

question mark

girls with pink hair?

punk band name

Snack. 

27

Vanilla Ice cream:

Gackt

still gackt

gackt

Gackt

28

Port-a-Potties:

I don`t know

poop

p

Babies 

29

High school:

movie

friends

myself

Old

30

Pajamas:

Blue

comfy

comfy pillow

Fluffy 

31

Wood:

Trees

forest

forest

Lumberjack 

32

Wet Sock:

awuful

ugh nno 

cartoon character

Puddle 

33

Alcohol:

good

wine

water

Strong

34

Love:

wide

deep trust

marriage

Beautiful 

35

My best friend:

inexistent

my love

bf

Nice 

36

The Bible:

strange
mysterious

Jesus

Heavy

Nightwish - "The Islander"

Haos

HIM - "For you"

Stii cum e cand esti bagat intr-o discutie importanta cu cineva si nu stii ce sa spui? Ai dori sa consolezi acea persoana cumva, poate pentru ca e importanta pentru tine dar nu poti spune nimic.... nimic important. Poate pentru ca ti-e teama ca ceea ce vei spune o va influenta cumva si nu vrei sa fi de vina pentru eventualul caz nefericit care i se poate intampla? E rau sa dai sfaturi...o spui din perspectiva ta si iti asumi posibilitatea in care cineva l-ar putea urma...
Imi pare rau, azi n-am niciun post lung pentru tine, nici un fel de plan al postului , e totul spontan. Ma gandeam doar la anumite chestii si mi-am propus sa le scriu. Cum ziceam: uneori se intampla sa vorbesc cu o anumita persoana lucruri importante si eu nu sunt in stare sa fac nimic...e frustrant... ma simt inutila.... Si ma intreb acum cum ajut eu defapt pe cineva. Nu sunt un prieten bun, nici nu stiu cum e un prieten bun cu adevarat , ce ar trebui sa faca. Ai regret ca nu se poate baza nimeni pe mine in totalitate..sau cel putin asta presupun eu ca e parerea lor...nu stiu daca eu m-as baza pe mine asa ca nu am cum sa gandesc asta din perspectiva altuia.
 Cand eram mica aveam sentimentul asta. Nu-mi stiam calitatile, dar stiam ca sunt un prieten bun pentur ca stateam si ascultam si incercam sa-mi bat mintea gasind o solutie pentru celalalt. Si acum fac asta, e o obisnuinta, dar spre deosebire de atunci, acum mi-e teama.
 E ciudat cum nu pot vorbi despre lucruri interesante sau importante cu personaele care ma intereseaza mai mult. De cele mai multe ori ajung sa ii privesc, sa le confirm ce spun si sa rad sau pur si simplu sa tac, dar daca as vorbi cu altcineva, mai mult ca sigur as avea multe de spus. Nu-mi pot explica chestia asta.
 Mi-e somn... vreau sa ma uit la un film dar sigur voi adormi..o sa ascult probabil HIM pana dimineata si sigur ma trezesc tarziu asa ca...noapte si ..."Hachiko", daca se intampla sa citesti vreodata postul asta fara cap si coada...imi pare rau ca de multe ori  n-am zis nimic....

Noapte

Karl Sanders


Noapte.Singura lumina e cea a lunii care pare sa te ghideze. Nu stii cum ai ajuns acolo sau incoro trebuie sa o apuci, insa nu esti singur. Mergi din nou pe aceleasi carari dar intalnesti fete noi, straine. Fete care aparent iti zambesc insa sufletul lor e rece.Trecu  peste poduri din noi, aluneci, cazi, te ridici, faci eforturi incredibile pentru ca stii ca ceva...undeva... te asteapta. Ca ai fost facut pentru ceva si doar tu vei reusi sa dai de rostul desitnului tau. Uneori iti vin oameni in ajutor, insa nu cei pe care ti-i doresti tu, aceia sunt mereu departe, mereu preocupati cu altceva, poate cu propriile lor destine, poate merg fara sa tina cont de asta. De obicei e familia insa, la un moment dat, pleaca si acestia iar tu trebuie sa te lupti cu lupi sau spirite si sa interpretezi semne pentru a continua. Insa, cand esti atat de aproape incat inima nu-ti mai poate fi stapanita, totul devine negru si te trezesti in alt plan, la viata reeala.

  Asta este doar unul din exemplele viselor mele care, recunosc, sunt extraordinar de interesante si sunt sigura ca daca vreodata voi reusi sa visez pana la capat , ma vor duce spre ceva important......momentan, imi indrept directia spre altceva.

 De cand mi-am schimbat putin din stilul de viata am incetat sa mai observ ca, defapt, traiesc. Traiam pentru un scop marunt si nu am acordat importanta detaliilor: unei flori de sub piciorul meu, o pasare care se chinuie sa-si faca un cuib, un trandafir rosu printr-un gard de fier, forta pomilor, delicatetea ierbii, n-am mai incercat sa citesc pe chipurile trecatorilor ce se intampla cu ei , sa incerc sa le descopar putin din suflet...

 ....poate nici nu ar fi o idee buna. De obicei asa se intampla: descoperi sufletul cuiva si iti dai seama ca e interesant si ca ar putea merita sa nu pierzi persoana respctiva. Dar m-am gandit de atat de multe ori la asta incat nici nu mai stiu daca am scris si pe blog saud doar in mintea mea. Oricum, in final, acelasi rezultat: pleaca. Asa ca de ce sa-ti mai bati capul sa te inconjori de oameni care aparent iti plac? Macar daca o faci, fa-o bine. Nu te inconjura de persoane care nu ti se par interesante doard e dragul de a socializa. Continua sa cauti persoanele cu care esti compatibil/a, nu le da la  o parte pentru cei care e posibil sa nu dea doi bani pe ceea ce simti tu pentru ei. Si odata ce i-ai gasit, nu-i pierde!

 Nu m-am mai gandit de  mult timp la lucrurile pe care le-am mentionat la inceput, cele frumoase, importante, atunci cand incercam sa intalnesc oameni cu care sa socializez insa mereu ma gandesc ca e in regula... ca daca acele putine persoane extraordinare pe care le-am intalnit vor considera ca la un moment dat nu merita sa mai faca parte din spectacolul vietii mele, le voi multumi in mintea mea macar pentru cat a durat pentru ca, atunci,, o perioada, mi-au schimbat in totalitate gandirea iar o persoana, a reusit sa-mi schimbe viata.

 Se spune ca nimic nu e intamplator si nu pot fi mai deacord decat acum. pentru ca, printr-o simpla actiune s-au intamplat atat de multe lucruri pe care le voi tine minte permanent. si poate ca nu as fi fost in multe locuri si nu as fi facut multe lucruri daca nu ar fi fost acea zi de octombrie.

 Don`t you cry..